Invited By Saqib Saleem To The Crackdown Look Test

Back in November of 2019, before Ms. Rona crashed the party, I was invited by Saqib Saleem to the Crackdown look test.

“(A look test is) basically to see how we look in different outfits or with each other in front of the camera.” Saqib Saleem explains to me. Apparently, they’re a very common pre-production practice in Bollywood nowadays.

I entered the studio, located in somewhere Andheri, and found myself smack down in the middle of what seemed like a full-on fashion shoot replete with good looking assistants running around frantically, remixes of Top 40 music blasting through the speakers and impossibly gorgeous people posing for the shutter.

None more so of course than Saqib who looks even better in person than in his Insta pictures. His long legs were what caught my eye first. Why he hasn’t attained the nickname “Daddy Longlegs” yet in the Indian press is beyond me.

He greets me with a warm hug, offers me coffee then excuses himself as he had to finish the shoot.

While waiting for Saqib, I got the chance to engage in some light banter with some actor’s assistants  like Fan‘s Waluscha De Sousa (also more gorgeous in the flesh)’s assistant. I admit I sort of played the clueless firangi card saying things like “I’m not Indian, I don’t know anything about Bollywood” just to diffuse any sort of tension and thoughts in their head like “who’s this guy and what’s he doing here?”

I also played that card to low-key see how Bollywood bigwigs treat the industry proletariats, in this case, the set helpers, guys setting up the lights and whatnot and, honestly, they were nothing but respectful and courteous to them. Again, none more so than Saqib who is exceptionally warm and tactile, always putting his arms around someone and making them feel valued.

Saqib then pulls me aside for a chat, something I’ve, if truth be told, been waiting for for a while. You see, we actually weren’t supposed to meet up. He just came back from a friend’s wedding in Dehradun and had a lot on his plate while I only had a day or two left in the city. I told him that meeting him – which he suggested we should do a year back on Instagram – was something that was already on my travel itinerary. He fortunately agreed.

At first, he was the one asking me questions – what my day job is, why I’m an Indophile, how it is that I speak pretty decent Hindi and which other Bollywood actors I’ve met.

I then asked him some basic questions about his family whom I know he’s close to, how his mom is doing, his dad’s recently opened Mughlai restaurant in Bombay and of course, the show he’s working on. “The show’s called Raftaar (later renamed Crackdown). I play a RAW agent (Research and Analysis Wing – India’s intelligence services) in it.”

Yes, for all the thirsty bishes out there contemplating, Saqib does look hot in uniform.

 

I didn’t want to pry so I didn’t ask him any other questions about the show. Plus, I just wanted to speak to him as a person, not as a Bollywood journalist so we didn’t delve too much on his film projects.

Actually, the real reason why I’ve always wanted to talk to Saqib, the reason why I gravitate towards him more so than other Bollywood stars is because he’s different. Most of his peers, as impressive as some of their bodies of work are, are kinda basic; there’s nothing to them save for their films, which as noteworthy as some of their performances are, don’t exactly make for great, well-rounded conversation.

Saqib and his sister, Huma Qureshi, are not afraid though to be outspoken about sensitive issues in an industry that by and large is either apathetic or feels as though they’re muzzled by studio heads and the general public. Even when actors do speak out, they do so with kid gloves.

This isn’t surprising – a streak of toxic nationalism courses through India presently, which, when challenged, can yield backlashes of epic proportions.

When I asked Saqib if he ever feels apprehensive at all about any repercussions he could face, he tells me, “I don’t know, I feel if I’m paying my taxes and I’m an upstanding citizen then I should be able to voice my opinions especially since I have this platform.” He then funnily adds, “Plus I usually post such things either early in the morning or late at night before or after I had my coffee.”

Saqib and Huma are especially concerned about their mother’s  home state, Kashmir.

Last year, when Article 370, an article in the Indian constitution which provided special autonomy to the joint state of Jammu and Kashmir was scrapped – a controversial political move spearheaded by the BJP that was seen to further oppress the already oppressed and disenfranchised people of Kashmir – Saqib stated sarcastically on social media:

“Nothing is wrong in Kashmir. Everyone is fine. There’s just a communication blackout, no one can get in touch with their families (including his own), there’s an army-imposed curfew, all the elected representatives are under house arrest and the future of the people is uncertain. But don’t worry about it, it doesn’t affect you.”

Kashmir is an issue that I’ve also always felt very strongly about. There are undeniable parallels drawn between the Palestinian plight and the Kashmiri one. As a result, Kashmiris feel a kinship with Palestinians so much so that there are establishments in Kashmir that pay tribute to my ancestral country (like a Hotel Palestine I found in Gulmarg) and, upon knowing that I’m Palestinian, I was invited by several Kashmiris in Srinagar to their homes for dinner.

“What hurts me the most is that Kashmiris are the sweetest people, they’ll invite you over to their homes and even if they only have 10 INR to host you, they’ll spend 11 INR.”

I can definitely vouch for that.

Saqib spoke to me in length about the childhood summers he spent there during the harrowing 90s Kashmir Insurgency. He recounted a few horror stories to me, which I don’t want to share on here out of respect to my new friend, but nevertheless they were mortifying. Especially for a child to witness.

Not wanting to dampen the mood, he then offers me, and a few costars and set guys, cigarettes. At first, they seemed reluctant but after Saqib nudges them a little bit, they oblige.

“Are you peer pressuring them?” I sternly ask

He grins, “Yes, I’m a bad influence.”

I then proceeded to ask him the burgeoning question that so many are curious about – why it is that his stage name is “Saleem” while his sister’s is “Qureshi”.

“Oh it was just a marketing thing the guys at YRF (the film studio that launched him) came up with. “Saqib Saleem” rolled off the tongue better than “Saqib Qureshi”

Alliteration. It works, people.

And here I was thinking all these years that he did so because he didn’t want to ride on his sisters’ coattails which is what Emilio did when he changed his name from Sheen to Estevez so he could distance himself from his already famous father, Mike Sheen, or what Shirley Maclaine did to distance herself from her brother, Warren Beatty.

I proceeded to ask him about his next big picture, 83, a blockbuster starring Ranveer Singh about India’s historic win at the 1983 Cricket World Cup. Saqib plays Mohinder Amarnath, India’s greatest batsman alive.

“I’m sure it was a dream to play him.”

“Definitely, I worked with him too! He’s the nicest guy . No ego whatsoever. Do you follow cricket?”

“Oh God no.”

He laughs again. He does that a lot – laughs, smiles. Sometimes, you’re not sure if it’s a shit-eating grin done to mock or if he’s genuinely smiling. Either way, it’s endearing.

I then get introduced to his co-star Iqbal Khan, a TV actor I was unaware of at the time of meeting him, since I much to my chagrin don’t watch a whole lot of Indian serials.

“Bhai, this is my friend from Kuwait.”

“I’m not his friend, I’m his stalker”. I said

Saqib laughs hysterically.

We parted shortly thereafter but the whole ride back I had the biggest smile plastered on my face. Every actor I’ve met thus far left me with a strong, lingering feeling – with Ranbir, it was a sense of stillness, with Alia, profound melancholy. With Saqib, I felt a huge load was taken off my shoulders; as though life was a huge cakewalk that shouldn’t be taken too seriously. Saqib has a joie de vivre that I’m sure rubs off on everyone he comes across. The man is pure sunshine.

That evening, I met up with a friend, someone who also works in the industry, at Indigo Deli.

“How was your day?”

“I met Saqib Saleem! He invited me to the set of a series he’s working on. Such a sweetheart.”

“Oh really? Yeah, he’s a really nice guy. I used to play cricket with him.”

“No kidding! Yeah, I tried Googling the show that he’s telling me about but I can’t seem to find any info on it. I don’t think its been announced yet!”

“He must really trust you then.”

I was taken aback.

To reciprocate that trust, I chose to write about our meet-up only after the show was announced and aired.

Crackdown turned out to be a colossal success; it was watched and promoted by a number of notable industry insiders like Hrithik Roshan and Zoya Akhter and audiences across the globe loved it.

His following release, the drastically different rom com, Comedy Couple (reportedly the first Bollywood film conceived and filmed during the pandemic) was an even bigger win for Saqib. It garnered unanimously great reviews which is surprising given that the concept that seemed corny as fuck at the onset – an Indian stand up couple hammering deeply entrenched Indian sex and gender jokes to a gender-biased Indian audience (yikes) – and Saqib once again defies everyone’s expectations with another topnotch performance and a penchant for mastering every genre conceivable.

Now if only arthouse-leaning filmmakers like Dibanker Banerjee and Neeraj Ghaywan could also hit him up for roles then he could really prove his detractors wrong and expand his already expansive body of work.

Coincidentally, as I’m typing this, a Hindustan Times piece about Saqib came out with him admitting that even though he’s been in the industry for almost a decade, he’s still trying to figure out his image. My advice to him would be  to showcase and capitalize on his multi-faceted personality, versatility and innate sunny disposition especially since we live in an era where Indian audiences increasingly crave more nuance and authenticity from their celebrities.

Indeed, there are more dimensions to the man than the relentlessly shirtless Delhite gabru veneer he fiercely cultivates online. Remember he’s the first Indian actor to deliver a same-sex kiss in a major motion picture (Bombay Talkies) who then followed that up with the heartwarming, Mighty Ducks-esque family film Hawa Hawaii (my personal favorite film of his) and the action-packed, testosterone-driven Race 3 with Salman Khan.

What ever he now chooses to do with his career and image doesn’t matter. Either way, he’s a shining star just as his Arabic name suggests.